I'm not writing this to blame anyone or to excuse my actions, just to recall the facts.
My father had just died.My wife and I had just decided to separate, for a while, to get things together, I had tried to go back to my old church, to get right with GOD.To deal with a problem I didn't have.You see, she was ready to put all the blame on me, and I was willing to take it. I was ready to keep on ignoring, or being in denial of what was ready going on in our farce I called a marriage.I was married she wasn't.In our last fight, she blame me for every I did wrong, everything she did wrong somehow was turned into my fault, and even some things at the time, I had no idea what she was talking about,[some years later I found out, they were faults she saw in her latest boyfriend.] We had agreed to get together on her birthday, seven weeks from the time we separated.The night before her birthday, she called me and told me she wanted to see me and to bring $60 dollars because she was behind on the rent.I thought that was a sign that we were getting back together.WRONG, she had moved her boyfriend in that night.When I got there, he was hiding in the bedroom, as we were talking I noticed a tool box on the floor in the living room beside the couch.I asked her about it and he came out of the bedroom.Keeping in character, she blames me, for coming.After that I was on the way down, holding on by a thread, within days, i was told I wasn't welcome at my church, game set and match.I moved in with a friend, his landlord told him, I wasn't supposed to be there and if I don't leave, he would throw both of us out.i was working at the time so I got a room in a flophouse.then I got into the bar seen and the drug was seen.I soon lost my job.My lifestyle went completely haywire, even the people I was running with hookers, dealers etc, thought I was too far out there for them.One Sunday morning in Jan.the police found me completely stoned walking down the street wearing only my jeans, I had no idea were the rest of my clothes were or where I had been, or for that matter who I was with I woke up at ST, JOES.Health Center,Sunday afternoon.I couldn't find out where I was picked up.That should have been enough, but it wasn't.I then made another mistake, I changed locally.The truth was my surroundings may have changed but my problems hadn't.I was the problem and I took me with me.My situation went from bad to worse, the only way out I could see, was to stop playing around with pretty hustling and go big time.I believed that if only I could get enough cash, all my troubles would be over,WRONG--so I decided to rob a bank or two when I hit bank number six, I got rescued, I wasn't arrested, I was rescued.There is a lifetime of events I omitted, mainly because from the mid 80's to the late 80's it is mostly a blur.I'm not sure what was real and was not.i was stoned for 4-5 years.I had done everything wrong.I had completely gone against everything I was taught to believe in.I turned my back on society, GOD and myself.I hated myself worse of all.In my mind, GOD had deserted me, if I wasn't good enough for HIM, there was no hope for me at all.I started out to prove I was a total failure and nearly succeeded.At my absolute lowest point, in prison, GOD started to show me, HIS love for me.HE watched over me in so many ways, HE literally saved my life on several occasions.Showing me, HIS .grace and mercy