pt-11--the loss of two children*-

THE LOSE OF TWO CHILDREN-- My first born was a male that we named Carl, he was born at 2 am on CHRISTMAS morning and died at 2 pm CHRISTMAS afternoon 1966,12 hrs later.He was 12 oz.less than a lb. of butter, he could fit in the palm of your hand.when I saw him in the nursery, I was in awe of the fight he was putting up to live, I knew he didn't have a chance but that was not stopping him,he was a true warrior, in every sense of the word.As I watched him the doc came up behind me, put his arm around my shoulder and told me to go home and get some rest, I would need it to support my wife in the upcoming days and weeks.He knew how hard it was going to be on her, he knew how much she wanted this baby.He told me that they didn't know why he was born premature, there were no signs of any trouble.Sometimes this thing just happen, he suggested that we try again as soon as possible, He didn't see any reason why this should happen again.With that he shocks my hand, smiled and left.I followed his advice and went home to rest.Shortly after two, the call came, that I was expecting but was dreading.This was a triple tragedy for us, our first born, on Christmas day and the son we both want so badly.From the time we first started to get serious about each other, my wife would always say how much she wanted to have my son.To have a dream come so close and then lose it was a real heartbreaker in its self.She was so proud to be carrying my child!The next few months were pure hell, all the spontaneity on was gone out of your marriage, it was all let's try again, with deep depression once every month.At every doctors visit, we could take together, the doc would tell her to relax have fun and let nature take its course.It didn't help.Then one day in Oct.a friend of mine from work, who had been trying for eleven years to have a baby, informed everyone, that they were pregnant.He told the crew, that he knew exactly what day it happened, It was on the hottest day of the summer, he and his wife were outside doing yard work, they decided to quit early because of the heat. After their shower his wife says, let us have some fun.That was the day.When I told the wife this, things slowly started to get back to normal.As a result, in July 1968 our son, Vance was born.Sadly though this only solved two of her problems, Christmas was a rough time every year ever since, I would have to be strong enough to carry the whole family every year, not allowing time for me to mourn the loss of then in 2006 I was at a Christmas church serve and for no reason I could think of i just started to cry and couldn't stop,I cried for the entire serves.On my way home, I was searching for the answer, then it hit me that today was the 40th anniversary of Carl's death, when I realized this I got a feeling of great peace and joy. I had finally mourned for my dead child.

As I 've said before in the face of tragedy there is always something funny -amusing that can be found, this was no exception.Our landlord who lived downstairs, had invited my wife and I down to spend the evening with him and his wife.Lynda said she tired and wanted to rest, so reluctantly I went alone, Lynda told me that she could always pound on the floor if she needed any help, that was very near anyway.I got back about 12:30 and went to bed for about an hour, that which time I was awakened by a sharp elbow in the ribs.Lynda told me she was having sharp pains in her back and them where getting stronger and more often.I jump out of bed and asked why she hadn't told me sooner because they were labor pains, to which she said labor pains don't come in the back, I said they do now!! I told her to get ready and I would call a cab, just then she let out a yell.After I had called the cab, I told her a let me know when the next one hit.three minutes later along came the next one. I waited till 1:45 to recall the taxi company.when I got the dispatcher I said,"look, my wife, is coming to have a baby real soon and things don't wait."The next thing I heard was the phone drop and his door open but not close, he didn't hang the phone up or close the door.Very shortly he was at my door, the road to the hospital was full of potholes every time he would hit one would scream, then he would turn around to make sure she was OK.Finally, I told him to watch the road or we would trade places, so we don't run off the road, he never turned around again.On arriving at the hosp emerge I quickly jumped out ran in and told the nurse on duty, that my wife was in labor and the pains were now less than a minute apart.She hollered for help grab a stretcher and headed for the cab.While they were wheeling her in I grab our coats off the back seat of the cab stepped back glanced at the emerge entrance turned back only to find the cab gone, the driver didn't close his back door until he got to the street.Carl was born in the elevator on his way to the delivery room and got a free cab ride from the dispatcher.
The second child's death was a very bitter pill for me to swallow, this occurred in the summer of 72. I had told the doctor that my wife Lynda was pregnant, he didn't believe me, and he had the tests to prove.My wife was on three different meds all harmful to any unborn children. I fought and argued for three months with him to no avail.Finally, he agreed to one more test, it came back positive,but the damage was done, the ultrasound showed a badly deformed( child??) it was decided that baby was too badly deformed to have any chance of survival, If the pregnancy was allowed to continue it would result in a miss carriage or stillborn birth.We decided to have a D&C.For many years, i blamed the doctor, myself and GOD.The doctor for not listen to me, myself for not beaning able to convince him and GOD for letting all happen.